Pass The Ducats.

June 13, 2008

But mind the coppers.

“Stick to your lanes – and no jostling”, hissed Coach Falconetti,

handing stocking caps and a crowbar to the 4th Grade Relay Team.

“Now, let’s bring home some silverware!”



Class Acts.

May 30, 2008

“Three Ds and a C”, Edgar mumbled, reluctantly

surrendering the Report Card. “Three Disinterments and a Cremation!”

exclaimed Father, dabbing his cheeks with a blindfold,

“Son, we may just get you that new bicycle after all!”.


Post Toasties.

April 4, 2008

A clear case of burn-out, if you ask me.

Virgil slipped away from Toxicology class and was

discovered behind the bicycle shed, smoking.

“Polyester?”, panted Matron Böhmer, splashing on

some well water and beating him with a sack.



March 28, 2008

Oh, no. Not *another* hat.

Edna’s tenure as Head Girl was spectacular,

but short-lived. She dropped one from a float

during the Bastille Day Parade and mislaid another two

on a football pitch outside Arles.


Bonus Featurette: Oh, Crumbs! When Good Cakes Go Bad: A cakespy crime scene.

Not Waving.

October 19, 2007


“Oh, you’ll adore the Mary Celeste”

said Mother, applying a bloodied thumb to

my BTCTCF (Bermuda Triangle Class Trip Consent Form)

with unusual enthusiasm. “Now, let’s get you into

a lead vest, and some Dramamine.”


The Final Cut.

August 17, 2007

“Splendid news”, announced Edgar glumly,

“I’ve been cast as the Headless Horseman in our

end-of-term play. “Marvellous“, cooed Mother,

patting down his cowlick, “Father oiled

his guillotine just this morning.”


“Is that what I think it is?”, rasped Edna

with a sideways glance at the prefect

face-down in his pudding bowl.

“Yes”, we chorused happily:

“Blaise Quimbly’s Custard Surprise!”