Pass The Ducats.
June 13, 2008

“Stick to your lanes – and no jostling”, hissed Coach Falconetti,
handing stocking caps and a crowbar to the 4th Grade Relay Team.
“Now, let’s bring home some silverware!”
~*~
Class Acts.
May 30, 2008

“Three Ds and a C”, Edgar mumbled, reluctantly
surrendering the Report Card. “Three Disinterments and a Cremation!”
exclaimed Father, dabbing his cheeks with a blindfold,
“Son, we may just get you that new bicycle after all!”.
~*~
Post Toasties.
April 4, 2008

Virgil slipped away from Toxicology class and was
discovered behind the bicycle shed, smoking.
“Polyester?”, panted Matron Böhmer, splashing on
some well water and beating him with a sack.
~*~
No-brainer.
March 28, 2008

Edna’s tenure as Head Girl was spectacular,
but short-lived. She dropped one from a float
during the Bastille Day Parade and mislaid another two
on a football pitch outside Arles.
~*~
Bonus Featurette: Oh, Crumbs! When Good Cakes Go Bad: A cakespy crime scene.
Not Waving.
October 19, 2007

“Oh, you’ll adore the Mary Celeste”
said Mother, applying a bloodied thumb to
my BTCTCF (Bermuda Triangle Class Trip Consent Form)
with unusual enthusiasm. “Now, let’s get you into
a lead vest, and some Dramamine.”
~*~
The Final Cut.
August 17, 2007

“Splendid news”, announced Edgar glumly,
“I’ve been cast as the Headless Horseman in our
end-of-term play. “Marvellous“, cooed Mother,
patting down his cowlick, “Father oiled
his guillotine just this morning.”
~*~
It’s Still Friday In… Guatemala.
August 11, 2007

“Is that what I think it is?”, rasped Edna
with a sideways glance at the prefect
face-down in his pudding bowl.
“Yes”, we chorused happily:
“Blaise Quimbly’s Custard Surprise!”
~*~
Better Late…
August 3, 2007

The Spanish Inquisition was
Ms. Bororquia’s favourite period in history.
She’d read passages from her diary while the rest of us
hogtied the hall monitor and warmed up
the curling tongs.
~*~
Okay. So Maybe I Meant ‘Thursday’.
June 21, 2007
third year in a row. I affixed my rosette and
Virgil paraded his extra digits around the schoolyard
until one fell off and reappeared in Ma Thickett’s
pickle urn the following Wednesday.
~*~
Extra! : Mourning Glories
The wonderful Obit Magazine celebrates those who prefer to roll with a little extra room in the trunk. (Via Metafilter)
The Tell-Tale Heart.
June 1, 2007
from the drawbridge of the Sigh of Calcutta
Correctional Resort for Girls. And lowered
down a travel iron, a crampet, and a
small pair of sequinned trunks.
~*~