Pass The Ducats.

June 13, 2008

But mind the coppers.

“Stick to your lanes – and no jostling”, hissed Coach Falconetti,

handing stocking caps and a crowbar to the 4th Grade Relay Team.

“Now, let’s bring home some silverware!”

~*~

Advertisements

Class Acts.

May 30, 2008


“Three Ds and a C”, Edgar mumbled, reluctantly

surrendering the Report Card. “Three Disinterments and a Cremation!”

exclaimed Father, dabbing his cheeks with a blindfold,

“Son, we may just get you that new bicycle after all!”.

~*~

Darn It.

April 25, 2008

Pay no mind to what they say, It doesn't matter anyway (hey, hey, hey), Our lips are sealed...Our lips are seeeeeeeal-duh!

“Someone’s moved my sewing casket”, grumbled

Mother, descending into the parlour with a hisss.

“Mmmmph… mmmphmmm…mmmph” suggested Edgar

from behind the ornamental rhododendron.

~*~

Post Toasties.

April 4, 2008

A clear case of burn-out, if you ask me.

Virgil slipped away from Toxicology class and was

discovered behind the bicycle shed, smoking.

“Polyester?”, panted Matron Böhmer, splashing on

some well water and beating him with a sack.

~*~

No-brainer.

March 28, 2008

Oh, no. Not *another* hat.

Edna’s tenure as Head Girl was spectacular,

but short-lived. She dropped one from a float

during the Bastille Day Parade and mislaid another two

on a football pitch outside Arles.

~*~

Bonus Featurette: Oh, Crumbs! When Good Cakes Go Bad: A cakespy crime scene.

That’s The Spirit.

February 29, 2008

Rap 3 times if you've bothered to read this.

“…A-Y-B-O-Y-I-S-S-U-E-4-T-A-B-L-E-O-F-C-O-M…uh…N…T…”

Edgar stammered, enthralled, as the planchette

bucked and trembled beneath his fingertips.

“Oh, for goodness sake”, said Edna, snapping on the light,

“Virgil has a copy in his nightstand.”

~*~

It's true. All that butter will kill you.

“Are those finger biscuits ready yet?”,

enquired Virgil in muted anticipation.

Digestives“, corrected Edna, brushing

flour from a haemostat,

“topped with nuts!”

~*~