Pass The Ducats.

June 13, 2008

But mind the coppers.

“Stick to your lanes – and no jostling”, hissed Coach Falconetti,

handing stocking caps and a crowbar to the 4th Grade Relay Team.

“Now, let’s bring home some silverware!”



Class Acts.

May 30, 2008

“Three Ds and a C”, Edgar mumbled, reluctantly

surrendering the Report Card. “Three Disinterments and a Cremation!”

exclaimed Father, dabbing his cheeks with a blindfold,

“Son, we may just get you that new bicycle after all!”.


Darn It.

April 25, 2008

Pay no mind to what they say, It doesn't matter anyway (hey, hey, hey), Our lips are sealed...Our lips are seeeeeeeal-duh!

“Someone’s moved my sewing casket”, grumbled

Mother, descending into the parlour with a hisss.

“Mmmmph… mmmphmmm…mmmph” suggested Edgar

from behind the ornamental rhododendron.


Post Toasties.

April 4, 2008

A clear case of burn-out, if you ask me.

Virgil slipped away from Toxicology class and was

discovered behind the bicycle shed, smoking.

“Polyester?”, panted Matron Böhmer, splashing on

some well water and beating him with a sack.



March 28, 2008

Oh, no. Not *another* hat.

Edna’s tenure as Head Girl was spectacular,

but short-lived. She dropped one from a float

during the Bastille Day Parade and mislaid another two

on a football pitch outside Arles.


Bonus Featurette: Oh, Crumbs! When Good Cakes Go Bad: A cakespy crime scene.

That’s The Spirit.

February 29, 2008

Rap 3 times if you've bothered to read this.


Edgar stammered, enthralled, as the planchette

bucked and trembled beneath his fingertips.

“Oh, for goodness sake”, said Edna, snapping on the light,

“Virgil has a copy in his nightstand.”


It's true. All that butter will kill you.

“Are those finger biscuits ready yet?”,

enquired Virgil in muted anticipation.

Digestives“, corrected Edna, brushing

flour from a haemostat,

“topped with nuts!”