You Have A Problem. Please Be A Patient.

June 6, 2008


The raid on São Paulo Charlie’s Drive-thru Sanatorium®

was a bit of a disaster. Father almost lost a frontal lobe

in a duel with an orderly, and Edna flat-out refused

to eat any of the vegetables.


Gone, but not forgotten: It’s true: I haven’t visited your sites in ages, I haven’t written, I haven’t called, I haven’t thanked you for your lovely write-ups… I’ve even missed a couple of birthdays. And dangitalltoHades if I don’t feel a wee bit guilty about it all.

I’ll get back to Teh Internet eventually. I swear. I’ve only got 3 gargantuan epics left to midwife, and 8914… 8913 heads to pickle.

Update: The incomparable Ms. Vita ages disgracefully on Sunday – do join me in a rousing chorus of Happy Birthday.

Quick, while she’s still got that hangover…

Updated Update: Aaaand… let’s belt out another verse (I know it’s Monday, but with feeling, okay?) for Dolce’s Evil Twin and Trailer Park Temptress: daisyfaaaae!

Happy Birthday(s), dears – long may the liquor flow, and the cakes continue to… crumble.


13 Responses to “You Have A Problem. Please Be A Patient.”

  1. kyknoord Says:

    Can’t say I blame her. The medication makes them taste horrible.

  2. And those wheelchair spokes can do naaasty things to your colon.

  3. Dolce Says:


    how appropriate that I’ve had not only a full (then empty) bottle infront of me. And now I feel like I’ve had a frontal lobotomy.



  4. I suppose the offer of a pre-birthday vegetable isn’t going to cheer you up, then?

  5. The Tart Says:

    Happy BDay to Ms Vita & empathy for the near misses at the ward. Spokes are dicey!

    Psycho smooches,
    The Tart
    : *

  6. daisyfae Says:

    unfair that they have the tallest vegetables planted in front of the pharmacy. how are we supposed to see where the morphine is stashed?

  7. Dolce Says:

    Mrs B? Is that a epeé hiding behind those felicitations? Pah! En guarde, woman. I shall smite thee. (Once the grandpa’s kick in. Who knew ground-up octagenarian was so effective for head pain!)

  8. Tart!: Spokes are dicey. I prefer stakes… ‘n’ shakes.

    daisyfae: One word, dear: ‘hipflask’.

    Dolce: Of course not – my felicitations were entirely heartfelt. (I do still have a heart, you know. It’s in a jar in the pantry.)

    We ran out of powdered Grandpa years ago, so we’re having to make do with Great Aunt Angelica. She is, understandably, a little bitter about it.

  9. Martin Says:

    I don’t think I’ve seen so many words from you before. Ever.

  10. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    You should see my ransom notes. Tolstoy-esque.

  11. Martin Says:

    What a coincidence. I spent today writing ransom notes as well…

    Don’t tell me you also performed a ratnapping?

    OK, hang on, that came out wrong.

  12. Find me a person who’s fond of cabbage and I’ll show you someone who’s lost their mind.

  13. Martin: I haven’t caught a rat napping in years, dear. S’these damn ankle-restraints – they do rattle a bit.

    Mandy de Waal: Like (*shudder*) this guy?

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