Authority Disfigures.

July 20, 2007

We went sight-seeing in Canada with the

co-joined Quattrocchi twins. We’d just begun

to enjoy ourselves when a Mounted Policeman made

us return Wendell, Chester, and the battery-powered

hedge trimmer, to their parents.


Extra! The Benitez family and Friends of the Turnip Appreciation Society invite you to join them in wishing Martin – dashing d2 Man of Mystery and one of the great vegetable excavators of our time – a very, merry… er, no that’s the other one… a very happy and splendidly memorable birthday on Saturday.

Bottoms up, Martin dear! We do hope the clods will be flying for you tomorrow.


63 Responses to “Authority Disfigures.”

  1. infini Says:

    nudge nudge wink wink ‘hedge trimmer’ eh?

  2. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    Whatever do you mean?

  3. Parenthesis Says:

    A Mounted Policeman, eh? Pity he wasn’t stuffed too, that would have settled his hash, typical of authority figures, whining and lurking and skulking about, dishing out speeding tickets, bending people to their will :) I mean how much damage could a battery powered hedge trimmer really cause? :)

  4. Hedwig Says:

    I told you the twins shouldn’t watch Edward Scissorhands…….

  5. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    Parenthesis: This obviously dredged up some painful memories for you, dear. I’m sure our Doctor Crippen would be delighted to prescribe a little Morphine and a long, long, rest in a cool, dark, place for your, you know… vapours.

    Hedwig: Once we’d removed their blindfolds and they saw all the batteries we’d bought, well… I’d wager the twins felt a little like Ichabod Crane. About to be peeled and eaten like a Gilbert Grape.

  6. ekke Says:

    OH Suuuuuuuure.

    Infini can do it, but I caaaan’t.

    From now on, call me Sulky McSulkerpants.

  7. infini Says:

    mmmmmmmm spare baaaattterrrrieeessssss

    *sticks tongue out at ekke and runs away giggling*

  8. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    Get back into your corners, you two. And don’t come out again until you’ve eaten all your vegetables.

  9. Parenthesis Says:

    Vapours …. hmmm …. Vicksssssssss …

  10. ekke Says:

    I ated all ma vegebles.

    Now I’m gonna go mount a policeman or something.

  11. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    Stuff, then mount, ekke. Stuff, then mount. And those hands of yours had better be clean.

  12. ekke Says:

    Why, are you a policeman?

  13. mmmmmounting policemen. or army men. i’m easy.

    goddammit, was i thinking out loud again??</i?

  14. ekke Says:

    We know you’re easy honey.

    Why d’you think I’m dying to get you out for that glass of wine…

  15. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    Try and be brave, dear: I’m already tak… oh.

  16. Martin Says:

    Why thank you for the wishes Mrs B, I hope the clods fly indeed :-)

    That, and the defenestrated bits of worry one should always abandon on such days.

  17. ekke Says:

    I was just thinking, it’s a good thing you’re a lass, Mrs B.

    WHat with all the talk of willies, warming-drawers and other bits ‘n bobs, a column inch probably wouldn’t be the best name.

    I’m just sayin’…

  18. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    Martin: I’m fond of a bit of defenestration, myself. It’s so hard finding volunteers though.

    ekke: Too true. Who’s heard of a one-inch warming drawer?

  19. ekke Says:

    I did one time, just before the police arrived. :(

  20. infini Says:

    I thought you had to mount the policeman before you could stuff him


    never mind

    Happy Birthday Dear Martin!!! D2 for love, for the most beautiful blog I ever saw that always makes me stare at it in a state of drunk on beauty *winks*

  21. Martin Says:

    Why thank you infini, the kind words are much appreciated!

  22. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    Well, that was a bit of a conversation killer.

  23. infini Says:

    perhaps I’d better leave

  24. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    God, no. I’m just relieved someone came back.

  25. ekke Says:


    *cue massively disappointed sounds of, um, disappointment.*

  26. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    Okay, no jostling! Form an orderly queue, please. *God.*

  27. ekke Says:


    (Ah, the arrogance of youth. Or me. Potayto/potarto.)

  28. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    *In that case: where’s the pony I asked for?*

  29. ekke Says:

    *Ask not where the horse is, child. Ask yourself, where is the rider?*

  30. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    *I’d rather have an Uzi and a bus pass, then.*

  31. ekke Says:

    *Which zone, my dear?*

  32. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    *The Sixth… no, make that the Seventh Circle, Inner Ring, please. I’m in the mood for some crisps.*

  33. ekke Says:

    *Any ring you desire, my child. Now excuse me, I have some smiting I need to catch up on.*

  34. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    *Dark Lord Sauron, is that you, dear?*

  35. ekke Says:

    *Oh. Bugger. Um. Hello mum.*

  36. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    *Stop fannying about with the Little People, and bring me my slippers and a gin.*

  37. ekke Says:

    *You’re not the boss of me, dammit. :(

    Lemon slice?*

  38. infini Says:

    *mordor needs a new conversational topic I see, more crisps dear?*

  39. kyknoord Says:

    – and crispy bacon bits?

  40. ekke Says:


  41. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    Finger snacks! You’re too kind, dearies, too kind.

    Now, who moved the pickles?

  42. ekke Says:

    Infini moved the pickles.

  43. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    Hmmm. infini, I’m going to have to ask you to return the squillion non-redeemable Internet Dollars I gave you. And the pickles.

    You may, however, keep the paper hat.

    (ekke, dear – don’t think I didn’t notice that you squealed like a crispy bacon bit at the first sign of pressure. Handy. You may stay.)

  44. infini Says:

    ekke put vicks on the pickles, what could I do? *whines*

  45. ekke Says:

    Okay. You all FAIL.

    The correct response required was:

    infini: Who me?

    ekke: Yes you.

    infini: Not ME!

    ekke: Then WHO?

    infini: Mrs. B moved the pickles from the pickle jar.

    ad finitum, ad nauseum, etcetera etcetera.


    Noobs. ;)

  46. ekke Says:

    Then again, you all may actually be older than fourteen. In which case, I’m taking my ball and going home.
    *cry weep mucous snot weep whinge*

  47. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    Have you considered a career in politics?

  48. ekke Says:


    But I did drink a whole gallon of soy sauce once.

  49. infini Says:

    n00b???? ha! I’ve prolly been on the net longer than you’ve known what do do with your pickle… er hum

  50. ekke Says:

    Well, I didn’t. But I thought about it.

    And I still don’t know what pickles are for. :(

  51. Mrs. Benitez Says:

    infini: all hail teh Blue!

    ekke: darn. you’ve just robbed me of my “who’s soy-ry now?” joke.

  52. Parenthesis Says:

    Man you people have got to get a life:) Or a job. Or something :)

  53. infini Says:

    ekke: pickles are for eating ;p

    mrs b: Hail teh blue! hail teh blue!

    parenthesis: I pick the something ;p

  54. Parenthesis Says:

    Fresh EVERY Friday, was it?
    Just asking ;)

  55. infini Says:

    LOL *snigger* apparently not, she observed later that same friday…

  56. Parenthesis Says:

    I’d be careful about sniggering around here infini, never know what trouble you might land up in … ;)

  57. Parenthesis Says:

    All okay here Mrs B?
    Mrs B?
    *peers into the gloom*

  58. infini Says:

    Where’s Edgar?

  59. ekke Says:

    I think she’s gone off and got a life. Or a job. Or something…


  60. infini Says:

    well, we’re all here, how you doing, ekke? and parenthesis?

  61. infini Says:

    lispthing are you? wot happened, cat got your tongue? *snickers*

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